Green Thumb

So I have this plant. It sits atop my desk - and so far, I have managed not to kill it. This, in itself, is nothing short of a miracle. That is, if you don't count the miraculous snapdragons of last summer that just refused to stop blooming even after I continuously forgot to water them.

So I have this plant. It doesn't bloom, doesn't do much really other than remind me that I wish I were outside in warm weather. Honestly, it's just an obligatory office plant. It's there because it should be. Yet secretly, I find myself proud that it's there and that I haven't killed it. . .

:)

What you Don't Have You Don't Need It Now

Sigh. . .


That is all.

Resolutions. . . I guess

For some strange reason I am wicked motivated this week. It's like a switch went off in my brain and now, all of a sudden, I have motivation; something I have lacked almost my entire life. So yeah here it is: my game plan in a nutshell.

I have decided that it's not about being skinny; it's about feeling good and healthy. Not gonna lie, getting skinny would be a bonus but I refuse to fixate on that. So here it goes:

Weight Loss Goals-FOOD
* Substitute all drink for water. If I absolutely must have flavor use crystal light.
* Cut portion size! Use a smaller salad plate and follow size of hand rule.
* Get the 100 calorie snack packs or rice cakes for something sweet to maow on
so my blood sugar doesn't get low and I won't binge
* Actually pay attention to calories. . . bah.

Weight Loss Goals-ACTIVITY
* FitZone 3 times a week @ 45 minutes- and hour
* Utilize free gym (treadmill) at KVCC ( I have a free hour between Yoga and bus)
* Be active with Jesse
* 10 minutes of crunches/Yoga in the morning or substitute it instead of t.v. time
* Ask for help with motivation from loved ones

Weight Loss Goals-OTHER
* Track my progress in a journal
* Total daily calorie intake should be: 1690.3

Weight Loss Goals-OVERALL
* Get down to a size 12: Big Picture
* Lose a few pounds a week
* Boost self-esteem
* Be healthier!

So yeah, there you have it. It seems big but in all reality they are just small lifestyle changes, things I can actually be motivated toward and accomplish. No more far fetched I want to be a size 5 by next month crap. LoL! I have already started doing it all too. Most of it anyway. The things I'm not yet, I am at least working toward. Go me.

Christmas Bonus

Merry Christmas from the Haenicke Institute for Global Education! Err, should I say congrats to me on the promotion? That's right, promotion. I am now the International Assistant. Translation: Assistant to the Associate Dean of the Haenicke Institute! No more dealing with angry parents and procrastinating students. No more phone ringing off the hook. Now I get to do real work that is on a whole new level of importance. Dealing with the foreign delegations and the administration of the university is going to be both intimidating and exciting, as well as fun. Hmm, what did Bill say? Oh yes research and itineraries, doing more of what Rena and Billie do. Damn, I am going to like this! I love research! I completed my first task with flying colors and am looking forward to next semester. Mmmm. I have my own cubicle with my own desk and computer, my own office supplies. . . Life is good.

My life is about to become nothing but Christmas. Starting tomorrow Jesse and I will be on the road for four straight days of family Christmas'. Up to Greenville, to Detroit, back to Kalamazoo, then on to Sturgis. Whew! Thank goodness Jesse and I already had our little Christmas complete with Christmas ham, candles, carols, and presents. Funny how Jesse and I both got each other the same thing. ;) (His Dark Materials trilogy) I have gorgeous jewelry to show off, and a magnificent waffle maker. Best of all I have a new claddagh. Oh and I can't wait to decide which pictures to put in the new frames.

Too bad we had to take down the Christmas tree last week. Effing kittens.

Have I mentioned that I love my new job? ;)

Wow, I suck at life.

Perhaps I should take the advice of Audrey's online status.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.

Hmmm. . . right.

I mean WTF was I thinking getting myself all excited and worked up? Silly Bridget, fairy tales are for Disney. Security and happiness; two words that do not exist in my vocabulary. I shall work on that. No more being selfish. Sacrifice now, be rewarded when it counts.

Reality bites.

Severely Lacking Organizational Skills

Okay, I know that it has been a while but I have been wicked busy. Not to mention that I have a lot; and I mean a lot on my mind. I just don't know how to organize it all so I can make sense of it, figure things out.

I hate college. I'd like to keep my job. I am not good at waiting. I want this dance to be over. Rawr. It's getting to the point where I can't sleep, which is ridiculous. I woke up this morning at 3am, for example, unable to clear my mind long enough to fall back asleep. I feel like there needs to be some sort of change in my life but don't ask me what that is 'cause I won't be able to pin point it. Perhaps I should stop worrying? Perhaps I should learn a little patience? Ha: patience! that is something I have never had. . . I also think I should seriously be tested for OCD. I have been noticing things more clearly lately, like how much I actually do fixate on things and NEED for them to happen immediately or that I MUST spend x amount of time thinking and planning and well, being OCD. It's not a want, it's a need. I don't think people really understand how much it truly bothers me when they say, "I know what you're getting." Sure I laugh it off like we're playing, but seriously, it kills me inside.

Oh and have I mentioned how amazing Jesse is? he took me to Helzberg Diamonds this week to finalize the engagement ring. And let me tell you, the picture above does it no justice! It's absolutely stunning. Then we went out to dinner. . . . Mmmm. But here's the thing: I still don't know anymore information than I did before. I still don't know if that means that it's coming soon or in a year or more. I still don't know if he's going to do it just the two of us or in front of family and friends. Christmas perhaps? Sure I love knowing that we're getting engaged. But I am extremely fixated over the whole thing. I just don't like not knowing.

Disappointment

Wow, this sucks more than I should let it.
But it always happens like this doesn't it? I need to stop wanting so badly because every time I do it just falls through. I am happy for PeaceJam, grateful for Jen, and proud of myself, but still. I wanted that job so bad. Making the final short list is great but not good enough. I mean, I was counting on that job to make my life better, to be able to start moving in the direction I want to go. Perhaps that's the problem, banking on something that uncertain?

Without this job I'm not sure I know how to move up and on. I'm sick of where I'm at; a college student with a part time job I don't really like and classes I could care less about. Thank God I, at least, have Jesse.