Oh Fortuna!

It's good to know that I am appreciated at work. Finally I can relax a little bit, calm down about finances, and generally worry less and sleep better. No more freaking out at random moments. Life is going to work out. I am applying for the job of a lifetime, my dream job. Coordinator of the Great Lakes PeaceJam here I come. Or not. . . which for the first time is going to be alright. I have a guaranteed position here at my current job if for some reason things with PeaceJam don't work out.

This feels good.

Karma or Fortuna, whichever, thank you.

Suck It Up Buttercup

Why do I always do this to myself, always insist on making things twice as complicated as they need to be? I am being selfish and now it's time to suck it up. No more procrastination! Yeah the evenings with Jesse and the kittens are great but they're not going to continue to be that way if I slack off and don't get this job. The stress levels as a result of it would be just too much. I know myself and I'm doing it again. God that's infuriating! I know better! Something has got to be wrong with me that I keep letting things like this happen. I hate being so incredibly lazy that I just let slip the most important parts of my life outside family and friends.
Things To Do:

Call Kate
Write Cover Letter
Beef Up Resume
Turn in Both
Run

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I am feeling a little melancholy today. I woke up this morning from having the most wonderful dream: Jesse proposed to me. We had just sat down and had another talk about where we see our relationship going over the next few months and out of his pocket he pulled a little red box. He looked so happy, said he's been carrying it around with him for a week trying to wait for the right moment and that he just couldn't stand it anymore. And unglamorously asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. It was perfect. Then the ring magically changed in front of my eyes to a different ring, not the one I had picked out. Poor Jesse was all worried and insisted we go and get the right one. . .

Then I woke up.
There he was, sleeping with his arms around my waist, the man of my dreams. What more could I ask for? Not much, really.

But still today there is that slightly disappointed feeling clouding up my head and turning my stomach into knots. I become more aware of it when I read my friend's about me on Facebook and listen to another's plans to attend a wedding this weekend, gets to the point where I look at the ring online Jesse and I picked out a few months ago and had me sized for.

I don't know what to do to speed this up without putting too much pressure on him and our finances. . . .