Okay, I know that it has been a while but I have been wicked busy. Not to mention that I have a lot; and I mean a lot on my mind. I just don't know how to organize it all so I can make sense of it, figure things out.
I hate college. I'd like to keep my job. I am not good at waiting. I want this dance to be over. Rawr. It's getting to the point where I can't sleep, which is ridiculous. I woke up this morning at 3am, for example, unable to clear my mind long enough to fall back asleep. I feel like there needs to be some sort of change in my life but don't ask me what that is 'cause I won't be able to pin point it. Perhaps I should stop worrying? Perhaps I should learn a little patience? Ha: patience! that is something I have never had. . . I also think I should seriously be tested for OCD. I have been noticing things more clearly lately, like how much I actually do fixate on things and NEED for them to happen immediately or that I MUST spend x amount of time thinking and planning and well, being OCD. It's not a want, it's a need. I don't think people really understand how much it truly bothers me when they say, "I know what you're getting." Sure I laugh it off like we're playing, but seriously, it kills me inside.
Oh and have I mentioned how amazing Jesse is? he took me to Helzberg Diamonds this week to finalize the engagement ring. And let me tell you, the picture above does it no justice! It's absolutely stunning. Then we went out to dinner. . . . Mmmm. But here's the thing: I still don't know anymore information than I did before. I still don't know if that means that it's coming soon or in a year or more. I still don't know if he's going to do it just the two of us or in front of family and friends. Christmas perhaps? Sure I love knowing that we're getting engaged. But I am extremely fixated over the whole thing. I just don't like not knowing.
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